Ok I'm pissed

Three words for you, President Obama...

WTF

Yeah, okay, that's three letters. But they stand for three words. I'd like to know just what you, President Obama, are thinking... not turning around a full 180 degrees on all the executive branch power grab BS that Dick and W managed to ram down our throats during their terrible reign.

I don't care if you say you will never torture. I don't care if you promise not to spy on us, or hold people at Guantanamo any more. Until we prosecute the war crimes of the Bush regime and have an executive branch willing to set strong precedents with rules, regulations, policies, legal memos and clear public declarations that we must obey our legal obligations under the Constitution (including the Geneva Conventions) and the War Crimes Act your words are meaningless. Until we behave like we actually have read and understand that we are legally COMPELLED to investigate and prosecute war crimes, the world will not trust us... and I will not trust you.

We fell in love with you, Mr President, that night so many years ago, when you spoke at John Kerry's nominating convention. We thought maybe, just maybe, this guy could make a real difference some day. We read your books, we looked into your wise eyes, we listened to your complete sentences (your complete paragraphs!), we begged you to run, we gave money to your campaign, we fought for you, and we cried when you won.

We were delusional, of course... in love with a myth, a grand statesman we had created in our heads in hopes of a brighter future. And now we're beginning to come back to reality. And I, for one, am pissed! Yes, you're doing good things, yes you're turning back some of Bush's horrible policies... but what's with fighting for continued, and even greater executive secrecy? What's with continuing to claim you can hold US Citizens indefinitely without charging them simply by claiming to be at war?

WTF!?!?

This is NOT the change we voted for. It is making things worse by upholding and strengthening previous devious arguments. It is building a greater precedent for future abuses! You are paving the road to a police state, sir! Sure, you may make wonderful claims and promises about your administration's behavior and will probably even follow through on most of those promises. But until we have a president willing to lead this country truly back to the rule of law, we are not safe. At any point in the future, your administration or another's could tap our phones, read our mail, log our credit card purchases, log our internet usage, track us with our cell phone signals, and lock us up in dark cells with no hope of seeing a lawyer or a jury or a trial, force us to stand or sit or lay in some uncomfortable position on the floor while bathed in bright light or total darkness 24/7, while loud, cacophonous "music" or utter silence drives us slowly insane.

You must turn us around. You must do it now, and you must make it bold and unequivocal. There must be no doubt in the power of the written laws of our land. Our fellow nations must be able to trust us to obey our treaty obligations. My neighbors and I must trust our government to hold itself to the same standard of law we learned about in high school civics class.

---
And as for you, my Precious, Trusted Reader. Please do something, anything to force the hand of this administration before they become completely entrenched in this path.

new digs

Hi folks. It's me again. Did I startle you? I know it's been quite a long while since I put anything on here. I just wanted to stop by to let y'all know you can now find me on facebook if you're interested. I imported the rss feed for this blog over there so any new posts will [um... should] show up in both places. It also brought over a lot of my previous posts from ocmu, ocma. (It didn't go all the way back to the beginning, though.)

So... for anyone from ocmu, ocma who's interested, look me up on facebook... for anyone from facebook who's interested in those older posts (or maybe you just want to know what the heck "ocmu, ocma" means :)... check out my blogger site at freezerguy.blogspot.com.

That's all.
... except this:

"Yes, we did."
Now comes the hard part.

gotcha

You thought I was done with this blog, didn't you? Well who can blame you... I wasn't so sure myself whether or not I would ever put up any new posts on here.

So how's life? How's the job? How's the car running? Read any good books lately?
...
Ah well, I guess you didn't stop by just to see me blathering on about nothing. It's been so long since I posted, I think I owe you more than muttering AND not mattering at the same time, eh? Lemme see what I can do ...

Something's been eating at me for a while now, slowly taking shape in the back of my mind the way my thoughts sometimes do. Today it came to me, clear as a bell, in the form of a rather simple statement. But first, a little background... (and I should warn you, this gets a little ugly, so grab a seat and get ready.)

Coming up on maybe 15 years ago or so, I did something really dumb, and almost did something REALLY dumb. The really dumb thing was to get myself a gun, and the REALLY dumb thing was to use it on myself. Fortunately, there's an "almost" in that sentence a couple lines up. Now I've had some pretty freaking low spots in my life, but that particular day was without a doubt the lowest, darkest, saddest day of my life.

I've come a long way since then. I've managed to work myself into a great job with a great organization. I found a truly amazing woman who, not only has captured my heart with her wit and wisdom, but somehow loves me at least as much as I love her despite my numerous and serious flaws. I've been on most of the major anti-depressant medications at various times over the years, some with better success than others. My current script seems to have done a fairly decent job of keeping the demons at bay for a good long while. One could even say that I'm pretty happy these days... accept for that thought gnawing away in the back of my head I spoke about earlier.

You see, up until about 5 or 6 years ago my weight had held pretty steady. Then along came my 30's (and all the usual stresses of middle age and slowing of one's metabolism that come with that period of life) and a new, more demanding but less active job... I am now about 15-20 pounds heavier, and probably still heading north on the scale. I come home emotionally and mentally exhausted, though not physically taxed at all. I collapse into my chair and turn on the TV, or grab my laptop, or do some other non-active thing. Sometimes I feel "bored" though I know inside I'm just not motivated to do the things I want to do or could do. And then there's the food. I love to eat. I love to eat sweets, especially chocolate... oh yeah. So what do I do when I'm "bored?" I grab a yummy snack. Mmmmm, sure does taste good...

Which brings me back to the thought that came to me today... just as I was putting an ice cream sandwich in my mouth...

I'm killing myself just as surely as if I had put that gun to my head all those years ago.

Stress, anxiety, debt, inactivity, overeating... frequently unhealthy food... I'm practically begging for health problems and most asuredly guaranteeing myself a shorter life if I continue like this. I think I'm fortunate that I had so many years growing up and in my 20's with good relationships with food and exercise (thank you Mom and Dad!)... I probably started down this road to unhealth from a stronger position than most, so maybe if I can reverse course, I'll be fine, like it never happened.

But where to start? I've never had to work at exercising before. As a kid, soccer, bicycling, marching band... I was active just doing the things I enjoyed doing. As an adult, I've had jobs that kept me active... (try working a dish shift in a family restaurant on a Sunday morning. Best damn aerobic workout ever.) But now, I mostly sit at a desk all day, talking on the phone, sending and answering email, crunching numbers, etc... hence the 20 extra pounds and the lack of endorphins from physical exertion.

You know I actually bought a swim suit. Me! I can't remember the last time I was in a swimming pool, but I bet it's been more than 25 years. And I never really enjoyed it much, mostly just to cool off and splash people. A swim suit... wow, talk about a desperate and confused search for better health. My bike by the way is in fine working order, sitting in the basement (right next to the exercise bike, which currently has a pile of old towels on it). It makes a fine dust collector.

So here I am. Isn't one of the first steps of the 12 to admit to yourself you have a problem? Well, I guess I've known it for awhile now (it becomes obvious when you have to buy new pants, and then those new pants start to get uncomfortable), but now that I've put it out here for the whole world to see (or at least those of you who actually stop by and read this thing), I can't really deny it now can I?

======
I'm not looking for pity; I brought this on myself and my life is in GREAT shape compared to a dizzyingly huge portion of the world's population. No... not pity.

I'm not really looking for help, either; those of you who know me well already know that trying to help me is more than likely to just make matters worse as I push back against you.

No, I think what I need most as I begin to work on changing course here is just your eyes. Thank you for reading this, for listening, as it were. I'm the type of person who needs to do the work himself, with his own ideas on his own timeline... otherwise, I'm likely to sabotage the whole thing.

Was it Tolkien who wrote that every journey begins with a step out the front door? I suppose that's where I'll start.

Thanks for stopping by, Gentle Reader. I hope this day and every day finds you well.
Peace

Yummy in my tummy

To paraphrase Homer Simpson:

Mmmmm, Thin Mints.

It seems to be Girl Scout cookie time again, and the young ladies always seem to be hovering close by at the supermarket, pushing their cookies at us... oh who am I kidding? I'd go out of my way to find these minty little treasures!

What!?!? We only bought one box!?!?!??
#@%&^*


Well, I'm off to the store for.... um... Milk! yeah thats it.. we need more milk (because it goes well with the dozen boxes of Thin Mints I'm also going to get!)

:)

searching, finding, breathing

Those of you who have known me for very many years will know that I've had perhaps more than my share of time spent quite confused about what direction to go in my life. It seems that I was looking for myself in all the wrong places. Apparently I was hiding in an office at Food Gatherers.

You see, I have always harbored a dream in the back of my ego-centric mind in which I help save the world. Usually in this dream, I am President of the United States or some close adviser to the UN General Secretary or something. However, as any wise person will tell you, all politics is local and the only way to make any real difference in the world is to make small changes on small scales, one at a time.

So now I find myself in a position to help shape the direction of a very cool organization which has the potential to make a significant difference in the lives of people in need. I get to work with fantastic people doing great work. I break a sweat every now and again and get to exercise my brain looking for ways to accomplish our mission more fully.

I should backtrack a bit here. I'm not saying that I wasted all those years in Mount Pleasant. The struggles and joys led me to where I am today. Indeed, it was the nearly-lowest day of my life that ultimately led me to Food Gatherers. They took me on as a volunteer, eventually hired me as a driver when I just wouldn't go away for over a year and a half, let me play in the freezer when Mike left, and recently have allowed me the chance to really stretch myself as Director of Operations. I hope my best is enough to help out some folks. I'd love to help make a real difference in our corner of the world along with the outstanding staff of Food Gatherers and the amazing support we receive from thousands (literally!) of dedicated volunteers.

My biggest challenge at this point is overcoming my tendency to be a work-aholic. Now that I'm liberated from having to punch a clock I find myself ready to spend 9, 10 hours a day or more at work. While that might be great for getting things done at work, it makes for a lack-luster life. So I try to get myself out the door as close to 5:00 as I can.

To all the people in my life who watched me struggle and fight with myself for so long, who helped me stop and listen to my inner self, who helped me stand up when all I wanted to do was sleep, who didn't turn away even when I made terribly self-destructive mistakes, who cheered with shared joy at my succeses, who just listened when I needed it... Thank you. You know who you are.

I'm by no means anywhere near any type of destination in this adventurous journey; I just have made it over a rather difficult and rocky portion of the trip. I feel like I can, for the moment, slow down, take a deep breath, and enjoy this place in my life for a bit. The roses smell sweet today.

Be well, Trusted Reader. Thanks for visiting.

dippy

Try saying "dippy" about 20 times in a row all run together like a tongue-twister. You can't help but start to laugh. And we all know that laughter is good for you! Go on now...

You know you want to!

dippydippydippydippydippydippydippydippydippy.....

Aaahhh, now didn't that feel good? :)

scary dreams

The other morning I had one of those frightful dreams that takes days to shake. I have forgotten most of it by now, as we often do with dreams, but I'll share a bit of what I do remember. The dream was set in a neighborhood closely resembling the street where I grew up. Michael Jordan was in it, playing basketball with himself, one-on-one. I'm pretty sure he was winning. That wasn't the scary part :) Most of the other people in the dream were friends of mine, either present or long past. The scary part was that a couple of my friends had been kidnapped by several other of my friends. It doesn't sound too bad now of course... I guess you had to be there, you know, inside my head. Now THAT's a scary prospect!

Some of you may know that for me to remember any dream at all is unusual. I can go months without having a single conscious memory from a dream. So any awareness of them at all is at least slightly disturbing, no matter what the content.

Paging Dr. Freud...

Or Jung, or whoever those dream-interpreters base their craft on.

I actually embarrassed myself a bit by writing one of the people from this dream the next morning to make sure everything was okay. I was assured that this was not overly dramatic on my part, but it still felt like something you see on TV. (Maybe because I actually saw it on TV... on MASH, Capt. Pierce has a bad dream in one episode where a boyhood friend is sledding down a hill heading for a tree. Pierce wakes before anything happens but he is disturbed enough to call his friend to check on him.)

Does it seem like I'm rambling? Well that's because I am. I haven't posted anything on here in so long, I felt that I should just plop down some words and see where it led. So here you go, folks... A posting from Me.

Snow Day

It's snowing today.

I love how quiet the world becomes when snow is falling.
Perhaps Mother Earth has taken a deep breath
And exhaled slowly and gently as she moves into
Her most relaxing yoga pose.

Everything slows down.
The rat race becomes a group of merry squirrels.
The trees stand guard over a new and beautiful place.
The meaning of everything changes
And softens
If for only just a brief moment.

What would happen if all the world's leaders
All at once, in their busy lives
Would just
Stop

And watch
A gentle snowfall
With the awe and wonder of a child.

I'm sure they could remember how
If only they would try.

Thank you, Mother Earth,
For bringing a little Peace into my world
If for only just an ever so brief moment.

And Peace to you, Gentle Reader
On this most precious of days
As each and every day is.

a small poll

Good morning, Trusted Readers,

I'm curious about something. Where are you? Specifically, from where in the world are you viewing my blog? Yeah, Google has a tool which shows city-level access points; but it's not very useful for really getting to know my readers. Example: most of you know what city I live it, but Google thinks I access the internet from somewhere many miles east of here because of how my ISP handles traffic. So I would appreciate it if each of you could leave a short comment telling me where you are. I expect most of you would prefer to use the "anonymous" comment feature for this for privacy's sake, so go right ahead and do that. I think I'm going to know who most (if not all) of you are by your location anyway :)

Thank you.

friendship

What a grand and wonderful thing to have friends. They share their time and their lives with us. They help us through tough times and celebrate our successes with us. We humans are truly social beings. Without the bond of friendship, we will sink into despair and sadness. A phone call, a letter or a visit from someone who knows us well carries with it immeasurable power to uplift or strengthen anyone.

Why is it so difficult for some people to engage in this world of interaction? I have been lucky enough to have accumulated several people in my life whom I consider true friends. Fortunately, since they had to understand me and know me well in order to become a friend, each of these people understands that I have difficulty performing the actions required to maintain the bonds of friendship. Not that I am granted a pass from engaging! It is just helpful for me know that my friends understand my struggle. And hopefully, when I let perhaps a little too much time pass between phone calls or emails, my delayed action won't be taken as a dismissal of my friends. For they are truly very important to me.

And with that, Trusted Reader, I am going to pick up the phone and call a dear friend from whom I have been separated for many years. He was kind enough to look me up recently and for that I am grateful. We can never have too many good friends.

Do you have a phone call to make or an email to write? It really is okay that it's been a while. Our friends know us well enough to forgive us our shortcomings.

Peace.

The End of America

Thanks to my mom for buying this book for me. Naomi Wolf has written a very disturbing but very enlightening book detailing the history of the ten steps nations typically go through to move completely into fascism. I sincerely hope that something happens in our nation soon to turn us away from the fascist shift we seem to be striding toward. Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney, please look closer at history. Please think deeply about how you want the world to work for your children's children. Please at least momentarily apply your intellects to contemplating the possibility that Ms. Wolf makes a valid point. Please move us away from the darkness that is fascism. Please read the Consitution for what it was meant to be, a force for liberty, a force for freedom, a cry into the dark corners of the human spirit that we can conquer our meanest selves. We can love our neighbors as we love ourselves. We can trust others to follow the rule of law.

Please, for the sake of the thousands upon thousands upon thousands of men and women who have died to sustain my and your right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, please stop acting like you WANT to steer this nation toward fascism! There is a simple concept that must be allowed to flourish for the world to survive: simply agree to disagree. Yes, we rule by majority while respecting the minority. But mostly we simply agree to disagree. If you can't come to a singular solution, agree to disagree and make a compromise.

Let dissent be heard. Listen to those with different views. Think outside the box. Broaden your viewpoint, your horizons, your base... broaden your arms and hug your enemy. You don't have to let him take advantage of you, but at least let him know you care about his health, even if you severely disagree with his politics.

We can't torture people, Mr. President. It is against the law and we are a nation of laws. The people of our nation elected you to uphold the Constitution. Your job is to execute the laws of the United States of America. How can you sit by and tolerate torture? Domestic wire-tapping? Internet scanning? Who knows what else? How can you, sir? Your job is to enforce the laws, not circumvent them for someone's personal or financial gain. Please, Mr. Bush. Please, Mr. Cheney. Think about why this nation was built, why those early patriots fought to sever ties with King George III. Please.

Please.

We need our country back. We need trust. We need compassion. We need love.
Please.

You have reduced me to begging. How could you let it come to this?

Slip-sliding away...

Wow, it's been over 2 weeks since my last post. How time flies when you're running around like a mad man :) A couple updates from the FishBowl...

I haven't had a job that dealt almost exclusively with information before. Now that I'm not the one "doing the thing with the stuff" anymore, I have realized I need to develop a new way of judging a day to be successful. I can't track how many orders I packed, or point to the clean and organized warehouse, or revel in my time spent shelving meat in the freezer. I have to concentrate on the answered emails, the finished reports, the mailed thank you letters... and of course, the success and satisfaction of my crew. It's a whole new level of teamwork for me. I've always worked hard to help the organization succeed, but also to feel useful. Now that my hard work is in my brain, not my muscles, I'm working more just for the success of the others on my team instead of myself and my team. You follow?

I suspect that as I become more familiar and comfortable with my new position, I'll be able to relate my thoughts on this topic much better. We can only hope it gets better than that jumbled mess of words up there! :)

On another topic, um... I forgot what the other topic was. Oh yeah! My brain is fried! (The really funny part is, I actually did forget for a minute that I wanted to comment on that! LOL )

We have narrowed the field of candidates for the new hire at FG, and I can't wait to get someone in there to begin training. Eileen was kind enough to remind me that it really doesn't get any less hectic; (It's always something) however, at least with another pair of hands around, the ops crew won't be so burned up by the end of the day like they are lately. It feels like my work life will also be easier once my team gets into a better groove.

I hope to have something to write about soon that doesn't relate to work. Perhaps once I can get my brain to think about something besides the half-dozen or so projects I'm currently juggling... AAaaurghh! There it goes again!

Must... watch..... T...V..! ... because we all know that TV is the answer to everything! I think I'll check the Fox News Channel for some fair and balanced reporting on our super-cool president...I seem to recall hearing something about a war or something...

Bye!

a new name from a new space

While I'm definitely keeping the web address (I'll always be the Freezer Dude at heart), I decided to change my "name" to more closely reflect my new digs. People can see into my office from outside three of its four sides... there's the door of course and two large windows out into the warehouse and shoppers' pantry.

I'm starting to see why my predecessor taped posters, memos, schedules, calendars, newspaper clippings, receipts, pictures, scrap paper, sandwich wrappers, slow-moving employees and anything else he could find to the windows. There is no privacy at all... unless you want to lower the blinds of course, but that would make too much sense!

Anywho, I'm starting to get settled in and settled down. Not that I have a clue as to what I'm doing, mind you! I'm just feeling more comfortable in my funky state of transition.

Quote of the day

Senator Carl Levin was asked by Bob Schieffer today on Face the Nation if President Bush should ask Vice-President Cheney to tone down the rhetoric toward Iran. Senator's Levin's response? "Lots of luck." That pretty much sums up the power structure in the Bush administration right there.

I wonder what the world would look like today if Dick Cheney had decided to actually look for a vice-presidential candidate for Mr. Bush for the 2000 election instead of just choosing himself for the position.

What a week

Having just finished my first full week as Director of Operations at FG, I look back and realize that I haven't put much of anything on here in weeks. I guess all of my intellectual energy has been focused on first, preparing for the interview process, then preparing to transition to the new position, and now learning about all the diverse things I need to know and do to as Ops Director to help FG succeed.

I'm grateful for having a wonderful team to work with at FG. They have all been very supportive and patient with my fumbling around. Alison generously helped me rearrange my office into a more useful space and just yesterday, I managed to get through the last of the piles of files left on my desk from my predecessor. (I don't mean to criticize him, I just have different space-usage preferences.)

So I guess that's all for now, Trusted Friends. I wish you all health and happiness as we move deeper into another autumn season.